Having a Mirror Moment

Oh, well hi there. Remember me? The girl with the caps lock problem and the borderline-psychotic habit of talking to the universe as if it were a real person? Yup, still here, don’t worry.

I like to pretend, in some crazy nonsensical way, to reinvent myself. It’s like last year where I would show up every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to one of my English classes in sweats because, well, it was a 9am class for one thing, but also because I would then get the opportunity to pick random days to actually shower and dress up in the hopes that I would walk into class and everyone would gasp and cheer like they do on What Not to Wear.

Clearly, that never happened.

But it’s a true fact that sometimes (read: way more than I should) I like to act like I’m constantly changing in some profound and life-altering way, like the rest of the world doesn’t have to move back home every once in a while, or watch their siblings grow up. But what can I say, I hate to think that I’m bored with my life, so I sensationalize, even if it’s a little too much. Every once in a while, I want my life to be one big moment where Stacy London yells SHUT. UP. as I walk towards a big mirror or something.

Anyways. Here’s the last two months in a nutshell:

1. I moved back in with my parents. Yes, it’s definitely strange not living on campus, especially with this being my senior year and all, but not having to pay obnoxiously high rent every month is healing my bank account. Not to mention I don’t have to pay to do my laundry, there’s a massive Walmart AND Target minutes from me, and I get home-cooked meals (whenever I’m actually home to eat them.)

2. I quit my job. Yup, the same job I’ve had for three years and never thought I would leave until I graduated has given way to a more local job where I don’t get to make my own hours, but I also don’t have to deal with baseball crowds or college football ever again. I call it a fair trade.

3. I started coaching again. Talk about a blast from the past, not only did I move back in with my parents, into my old room full of all the things I didn’t take to college with me, but I started working weekends at the gym, where I had my first high school job. Living at home has always equaled coaching at the gym, but coming back and doing both is screwing with my head, just a little.

4. I did some more minor (but much more fun) moving, and bought myself some new digs. That’s right, from here on out, I’ll be posting over at nicol-ette.com. Part of it is that I’m hoping having to pay for the domain will encourage me not to forget that I have a blog, and the other part is that I’m a narcissist at heart and always wanted my own website. But for the sake of my dignity, we can call it an 80-20 split on those, right?

5. I turned 21. There was a lot of spontaneous booty dropping involved. There should be no further explanation as to the kinds of impacts this is having on my life.

But that’s nothing. All of that? Has been my last two months, and while it has been so radically different from the routine of the last three years or so, it is nothing. It is all just stepping stones leading to the metaphorical rainbow. The endgame. The big mothereffing kahuna, if you will.

I’m moving to California.

I’ve been tap dancing around making this decision for what feels like eternities now, like I’ve had my finger on the trigger just waiting to figure out when to pull, but when I knew I was going to have to move home for this year, I starting researching. And planning (because, dude, do you KNOW ME? Life changing plans are kind of my deal.) And then some essay-writing and phone call-making, and super epic amounts of finger-crossing, all leading up to the e-mail I got Tuesday from the International Programs office. I’m officially finishing my degree in a “study abroad” program through BU in Los Angeles, graduating, and then taking a shot at this show business thing. I move into my student apartment January 10th. Which is in less than 3 months. I have internship interviews lined up for most of November.

I feel like when you’re little, you talk about moving to Hollywood and being a movie star, about being famous and getting rich. I don’t really want any of that (though the rich part would be nice), I just want to write, but for the last three years, as I tell people about my “plans”, about how I PLAN to leave home, and I PLAN to live in LA someday, I don’t know that I ever believed it. Its as if there were always two parallel paths in my mind – what I wanted to do and what I would realistically end up doing, and I never really believed they would be the same thing.

Guys, I am really, honest-to-goodness moving to Hollywood.

SHUT. UP.

Blogging the Emmys

Here’s the thing about the Emmys. This is one of my favorite nights of the year, because it’s the one night of the year that both completely and totally justifies the amount of television I watch on a daily basis, and that lets me nerd out in public. Last year, unfortunately, I had to watch it 6 hours later in Australia (after finding out the winners and then drinking a bottle of wine), so to make up for it, I’m going all-out this year. In other words: I’M BLOGGING THE EMMYS, BITCHES! Is this insane and self-indulgent? Of course it is. Hold on to your hats, here we go…

- Favorites from the red carpet: Sofia Vergara, Jane Lynch, Julie Bowen, Matthew Morrison crying in a tuxedo while I died on my couch, Jon Hamm (because HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM EVER), Tina Fey’s ponytail, and for the first time ever, Lea Michele. She managed to step out looking like something other than a Bratz doll tonight. Also, go ahead and put me in the camp that thinks Emily Deschanel’s dress is fantastic (the hair? Not so much.)

-Okay, when I heard Jimmy Fallon had this big, star-studded opening planned, my brain prepared for Cheese Central. But that opening? Was the greatest thing I have ever seen. Props, Jimmy. Props.

-Supporting Actor in a Comedy: My prediction? Ty Burrell, even though I could have gone with just about anyone, since this category was probably the most well-stacked of the night. Eric Stonestreet, however, is straight up HILARIOUS and deserved this 100%. I’m 0-1 so far, but I’m quite sure this isn’t the last Modern Family statue we’ll see tonight. Also? Jesse Tyler Ferguson crying is turning me into straight-up mush. This is going to be a long night.

-Supporting Actress in a Comedy: Okay, everyone and their dog knows Jane Lynch is walking away with this one. Except, then she’s going to cry. And, there’s the win. Glee is going head-to-head with Modern Family for most supporting cast. She’s not crying though, just still managing to be incredibly funny. My dad laughed out loud three whole times during her acceptance speech, which, Emmys, is a sure sign you got this one right. 1-1

-Lead Actor in a Comedy: Even though 30 Rock was sub-par, my money was on Alec Baldwin because he’s almost always a shoe-in. BUT IN THE BEST SURPRISE EVER it goes to Jim Parsons. Both my 14-year-old sister and I rose up off the couch a few feet in pure happiness. Sometimes, I love being wrong. 1-2

-Lead Actress in a Comedy: My favorite is Amy Poehler, but my pick is Lea Michele because she’s on Glee, so she has hype behind her. And it goes to..Edie Falco? What? She’s humorous, but out of everyone on that list, she’s SO not the funniest. HAH even she goes up and says “I’m not funny!” I still love her as an actress, but I do not get this one at all. 1-3, and wow do I suck at this.

-I’m not really at all invested in the reality awards, but can I say it’s nice to see Amazing Race NOT win an Emmy for a change?

-Okay, way to highlight the best Grey’s Anatomy episode of the season, even though BOTH Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson walked away without an Emmy nom for it. I know it was soapy crap most of this season, but DUDE. EMMYS. REALLY? *hops off soapbox*

- Supporting Actor in a Drama: I don’t really have a pick, other than NOT LOST. And, it goes to Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad. Do I get to count this as a point for me? I’m going to, because technically I was right. 2-3

-Coming back to Emily Deschanel, I would like to go on the record to say she is, hands down, my favorite of the Deschanel sisters (and one of my favorite actresses ever.) She’s one of the most underrated actresses on television, stunningly gorgeous, and she gets to make out with David Boreaneaz on a regular basis. Zooey, who?

-Supporting Actress in a Drama: I’m still bitter, but Christina Hendricks is awesome. So her. And she loses to Archie Panjabi, so I’m 2-4.

-Let me just say that the presenter pairings are rocking my world. Jon Hamm and Betty White? Sofia Vergara and Jim Parsons? Mariska and Chris Meloni? Emily Deschanel and Nathan Fillion? Tina Fey and Matthew Morrison? It’s like the Emmys found all of my favorite people and put them on stage together.

- Lead Actor in a Drama: Okay, I think it’ll go to either Hugh Laurie or Jon Hamm, but I want it so desperately to go to Kyle Chandler, I can’t stand it. I’m team FNL in every way. But, Bryan Cranston wins it again, and I guess I can’t argue, cause he’s really that good, but I heard in an interview somewhere that Jon Hamm and Hugh Laurie joked about offing him if he won again, which makes that shot of Hugh’s face so much funnier. I’m also no longer keeping score.

- LOST theory: The rest of the Emmy voters just didn’t get it either. So, while I’m sure it deserved at least a few of those Emmys, I feel a little bit better about myself for giving up. Plus, Jimmy Fallon is doing the world’s greatest Billie Joe Armstrong impression ever and singing about it, which is so much better than an Emmy.

-Lead Actress in a Drama: My pick is Julianna Margulies, because I love her and she killed it on The Good Wife, but I’d love to see Connie Britton win it too. And OOF. Kyra Sedgwick. Even the rest of the nominees looked shocked. Also, “Tina, can you hold my Emmy for me?” I don’t know if she was trying to be funny, but it came off incredibly bitchy. Maybe I’m just bitter about how wrong I am. All the time.

-Props to NBC for including all of the Conan late night jokes in their Year in Variety bit. I mean, it’s probably because Conan lost in the category that Jay Leno wasn’t even nominated in, but still.

-Clooney on my screen. Leave it to him to not only be funny and gorgeous, but to manage to take all focus off of himself and be an awesome human being and just HOT. Also, Betty White is giving you a standing ovation, dude. IF YOUR LIFE WASN’T AWESOME ENOUGH.

-Honestly, the Movie or Miniseries awards usually involve a whole lot of I’ve-never-even-seen-that, so I’m going to take this moment to point out that Jimmy Fallon is being uncharacteristically funny tonight, even if Ricky Gervais still out-funnied him in the few minutes he was on stage. That Mel Gibson joke? Highlight of the night.

-It’s probably a good thing I’m not legitimately live-blogging this, because then everyone would have had to sit through an awkward ten-minute pause. Movie/Miniseries still not over, but they got the True Blood cast to present, so there’s that.

-Last two awards. Oh thank goodness. This went from entertaining to a little tiring real fast. Hey! Tom Selleck’s mustache!

-Oustanding Drama Series: I love Mad Men too much to not say Mad Men. And for only the second-ish time tonight, I’m right. Now come to me, Jon Hamm.

-Outstanding Comedy Series: This is my favorite award of the night, because we all know it’s a Glee-Modern Family showdown and while I love both, my fingers are double-triple crossed for Modern Family. Glee is great, and hilarious, but I love the fact that Modern Family has managed to reinvent the sitcom and make it relevant and that’s exactly the kind of show I would kill to write for someday. And its…..Modern Family. YES. I was so right where it counted. Also, those little kids look so old all dressed up, and THANK GOD nobody is crying.

And that’s the game, folks. I was wrong, wrong, and more wrong, but I got to stare at Jon Hamm and watch Matthew Morrison and Jesse Tyler Ferguson cry on live television. This is why I love the Emmys.

After-party at Betty White’s house? I’m so in.

Find the beat again

via Blinks of Life

Okay, so this is me breathing.

Remember how I mentioned the little back-and-forth I’ve been having about my student loans? After a month of fighting with the loan companies, it looked like this time, things really, honestly weren’t going to work. This time, my father and I had to sit down and have The Talk. You know, the one about my future, and about taking “time off” to adjust my plans. Of course, when one is already in a SIGNIFICANT amount of student loan debt, “taking time off” pretty much means “dropping out”. Translation? How the effing eff am I going to pay off my student loans/ move on with my life without a college degree.

Guys, here’s the thing. The whole control freak thing? Applies to just about EVERYTHING. Including my future. And in the last few months, as senior year and graduation have started getting closer and closer, I’ve come up with such big plans for what I want to do with my life. And I fell in love with those plans. Even when work was killing me, or I couldn’t keep my head above the work I had to do, the mere thought of these Big Adventurous Plans I had for myself were enough to make my heart swell. So when I had to sit down and pull those beautiful dream plans apart, it was like getting kicked in the gut. Over and over again. I couldn’t think more than a day ahead of myself, because I didn’t know where I was going to be in a few weeks. I all but went crazy (over not going to school? Yeah, I know, seven-year-old me would have kicked my ass.)

And to be honest? I took up most of the last two weeks sulking and not sleeping and listening to this song on repeat before I kind of got over it. I mean, not really, but I guess I came to one of those Grand Realizations that there are so many things about my life I can’t control, so it just makes more sense to worry about the things that I can. You know, like what to have for dinner. Or how long I can go without doing laundry before it becomes socially unacceptable to wear my clothes out of the house.

(Like I said, not really.)

And then, as they always seem to do, things worked out. One of my extended family members stepped up, only strengthening my case for having the most incredible family ever in the history of EVER, and as of yesterday I was back to being a college student. POOF. I can have my meticulously planned future back, sorry for the inconvenience. Except, after two weeks of coming to terms with not having it, I’m starting to think I might not be so in love with it anymore. I mean, we can probably be friends with benefits, I guess, and if that’s where I end up in 10 or 20 years, I’ll be thrilled, but sometimes it’s just easier to think of laundry. Or peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches. Or maybe how lucky I am that I can even afford to worry about things like this. And maybe by letting go a little bit, and rolling with the punches (and moving back in with my parents, which is a whole other story), things will end up better for me in the long run.

Of course, we all know that somewhere, the Universe is looking down and laughing at it’s successful attempt to drill this Moral of the Story into my head. Touché, Universe, tou-frigging-ché.

Finding My Happy Place (in Barnes and Noble, of course)

The universe and I have been fighting again (which, at this point, should surprise nobody), and I’m finding that I’m having issues figuring out how to deal with the stress. The thing is, I’m a compulsive planner, and utter control freak, which have made me a world-class stresser-outer. Especially about things that are almost completely out of my control, and yet still manage to have a serious effect on my future. Big things.

Am I being vague or cryptic enough?

Anyways, I’ve been trying to slow down a little bit and force myself to look at things one day at a time (you know, in lieu of eating all the food in my kitchen, or just sleeping all day), which in my case, involves distractions. Lots of them. So I’ve decided to tackle another one of my Lists: The List Of Books I Haven’t Gotten Around To Reading Yet. I’m usually the girl with her nose in the shelves of the memoir section of Barnes and Noble anyways, but most of the time I just pick out books, read a few pages, and then put them back with a mental note to read them later. For the next few weeks, I’m going to see how many of those books I can finally cross off my list. First up is The Time Traveler’s Wife, which I started at the beginning of the summer and haven’t quite gotten around to finishing yet. I’ve also got to get around to hopping on this Eat, Pray, Love train because the movie looks phenomenal, which means the book will probably be even better!

Of course, I’m always up for suggestions. What are some of your favorite summer (or anytime) reads?  Leave ‘em in the comments!

I’m probably going crazy. Also, LISTS!

So being in the middle of a baseball home stand means being in the middle of a week-long work marathon WHICH means there’s about a 25% chance that when I sit down to write something, it’s going to make some kind of coherent sense. And statistically, I am quite unlucky. So here’s 10 days worth of brain vomit.

-The rest of my little soul-searching vacation ended up involving very little soul-searching, and a lot more shopping. Which could really be the same thing, but the shopping was for my college-bound sister, so it was more personal-stylist-meets-OH MY GOD STOP CALLING YOURSELF FAT than Confessions of a Shopaholic. Also, bedding and rolling storage bins are hardly glamorous.

-The haircut, however, garnered a whole bunch of compliments upon my return, leading me to consider drastic personal style changes every few months to feed my ego.

- Since my work hours usually cover both lunch and dinner, my diet lately has consisted of two major food groups: fast food burritos, and bags of candy from the 7-11 around the corner. Therefore, I decided that instead of being broke and fat, I would blow some of my paycheck on food that couldn’t be cooked in a microwave, or in under 3 minutes. I found a few healthy recipes and made enough to last me the week, which were surprisingly easy and tasty, all at the same time. I even managed to eat my healthy-ish dinner without protest while my friends sat with their burritos in Qdoba. Of course, then I got home and proceeded to demolish an entire box of Kraft Mac and Cheese in one sitting. At 1030 at night. If you were to look in the dictionary under “Defeating the Purpose,” you would most likely see my face.

- I blame most of this burrito-and-processed-cheese binging on student loans, by the way. As is typical, every year about two weeks before the semester, I spend hours a day on the phone trying to decipher the hidden password to actually procuring a student loan so I can, you know, go to college and be the next Oprah and stuff. And, as is also typical, every single one of those phone calls ends in frustrated yelling at some poor person working in a call center who clearly hates their job. I always feel bad about yelling at people, especially because I get so much of it every single fracking day, but when you can’t see their face and all you have to go off of is a voice coming through a phone, it’s so much easier to feel like you’re just yelling at your Blackberry, instead of an actual person. Especially if that Blackberry is telling you the exact opposite of what it told you when you called half an hour ago. I’ve learned to anticipate a pattern that goes something like this:

• Call #1: I am told that there is nothing that can be done.
• Call #2: I am given A as a reason, and told to do X, Y, and  Z and I should be all set.
• Operation X, Y and Z fails.
• Call #3: I am told that X, Y and Z were, in fact, irrelevant, and I should instead reapply and complete steps L, M, N, O and P.
• Operation L, M, N, O and P obviously fails as well.
• I down an entire energy drink in one sitting and call my sister to vent. Conversation topics include hand grenades and circus animals.
• Lather, rinse, repeat.

- In between yelling at inanimate objects and pretending to be healthy, I have managed to finish the first seasons of both Community and Pushing Daisies, the former leading me to shoot chocolate milk record distances out of my nose, and the latter making me wish I was Anna Friel. And crave pie. Which is, again, wildly counterproductive.

- I woke up the other day to my first school-related e-mail of the semester: summer work from one of my comedy writing professors. The assignment? To watch as much Modern Family, Big Bang Theory and Hot in Cleveland as possible before the start of classes. Seriously, guys, sometimes? I HAVE THE BEST MAJOR EVER.